I am, I wish, I see

I am…

eating lentils

licking my fingers

loathing and loving my rascally cat

wondering about this life

anxious about my reserves

noticing a fleeting loneliness

aware of blooming clarity

appreciating the mornings

the rhythms, the introspection

grateful for the hills, the valleys, the owl that hoots

the sun that warms

I wish…

for expanding time

for a chance to revisit my mistakes

and the opportunity to amend a wrong

for silence and crickets and mugs of milky tea

for fireflies and hand holding and a little voice that cries “mumma” and

“come back to me please!”

I see…

me, standing there in a dress

you, smudge of dirt on your chin

an apple cart between us

a wooden ladder propped up against a tree

an affection for our mutual past swims about us

like dolphins playing in the surf

the sea seeps between my toes

throws water up at your knees

I dive into the waves,

swim out beyond the breakers

and when I look back

you are but a dot

a blink

a turned shoulder

a man with whom I used to be